The next part of the blog I will be focusing on is some
thoughts that I have that might help in better recovery from addiction, at
least they helped me.
It is especially useful if it is not your personal desire to
gamble, but rather it is a result of variety of thoughts that is formed in your
brain, that leads you to gamble.
I will start using the computer system as an analogy to our
body-brain system. I will begin to frequently ask “What is your inner program?And
what have you installed? Can it be uninstalled? If you can’t uninstall it, can
you overwrite it?” etc.
But before that, I will reveal one of the most powerful
insight that I have learnt 10 years ago which I really wished I had learnt way
earlier than that.
12 Jan 2005 Wed
Topic: Perception
I’ve been reading some books. Well, I have great interest in
books particularly those on self-help/improvement and psychology. I believe
that one should never cease to learn throughout life and learning to improve
oneself will definitely have a good impact on one’s life and most importantly,
to bring a better life. Human have this ability call the self-awareness which
distinct us from the rest of the animal kingdom. We have the ability to receive
stimulus and therefore generate a response to it.
Whatever response we choose
is purely dependent on what we think and how we choose to react to certain
things. In other words, how we react to certain things basically depend on what
is our perception at that time.
For example, one may choose to die or to commit suicide to
escape from a difficult problem. One may brood about the lost of one’s love or
job or anything. What happens here is that, people who are stuck in these
problems often have their perception lock in place. They can’t seem to look at
problems in another point of view. They believed that by leaving someone, by
dying, by committing suicide, they can escape from problems and they won’t have
to face it anymore. But they don’t realise that by doing so, they are not solving
anything, they may even create more problems for their family or friends. Well,
it’s true that sometimes we can be so involved in one thing that we had
overlook the fact that sometimes we need to take a step back and look at the
problem in another perspective. A change in one’s perception is called a
paradigm shift.
I had a friend who had just currently lost his job. Instead
of preparing my compassion for him, I was later amazed to discover that he was
actually happy that he had lost the job! His boss wasn’t treating him well and
he is actually looking forward to finding his new job. Wow, imagine a
pessimistic guy who sulk at the very moment when he lost his job, sunk into
deep depression at the lost of income…etc .Try to picture which one would you
rather be? From this, I realised that we should think that “we can’t afford the
“luxury” of negative thoughts”, we simply don’t have much time for it. Why
waste your time on the negative thoughts when you can invest your time better
elsewhere in preparing positive thoughts and planning a better way out? (of
course don’t overdo it until you get over-optimistic =X)
Recently, I also had lost an honours project application
simply because I did not meet their minimum requirement. I applied to the
Biochemisty department and was hoping to get the project on alcoholism and
brain damage. The experts were looking at the genetics of how chronic drinking
can impaired your brain. It’s about genetics, biochemistry and also dealing
with human and I was like “wow” molecular stuffs I like it! But then later, I
got rejected from the school as I just don’t have enough subjects from the
third year study to cover their minimum requirement and my grades weren’t
really that great. I called my mum, and she is very supportive and encouraged
me. I did not give up and went on to find other potential supervisors. What I
realised in the end is that; I actually found a better honours year project for
myself. Something, which I had overlooked while looking for my honours project.
I started to look elsewhere and try my luck at the School of Biomedical
Sciences
It is really amazing how changes in one’s perception can
impact one’s life. I was stuck in the past at certain things. I was very
stubborn and emotionally dependent on people and things. One day my friend
mentioned to me about emotional dependency. I did not realise until then that I
had extremely bad emotional habits that had impaired me for quite sometime
(like about a year). I sunk into depression, lost the interest of doing things,
dependent on people’s reaction, awaiting recognition from people; maybe I even
had bipolar 2 (my friend who studied psychology suggested that. But don’t be
afraid of bipolar people, in fact many Hollywood
celebrities are bipolar and some quite productive and effective people are
bipolar too. I think bipolar means there’s the manic and depression phase.
Well… just some passing comments.). My life is it’s all about other people; I
simply care too much for them till I had lost myself. I had lost my identity,
my self worth, and my interests. I give priorities to other people more than
myself. As an emotional profile, I’m very extremely dependent on other people.
I get jealous easily, I think too much and I read into details too much. I felt
that I’m responsible of other people’s emotions. However, never did I realise
that I actually had a very bad case in emotional dependency. We should not be
emotional dependent on other people. We should be emotional responsible for
ourselves but not dependent on other people to tell us what’s our worth, and
feel responsible to their emotions. If you feel you are responsible for their
emotions, then chances are you are reading too much into other’s people
behaviour. Awareness is good but not too much. After been through some research
and studies, I realised that I had been impaired by my own emotional habits. I
used to blame others for my behaviour, for the reason why I sunk into
depression and such. But never did I realise that I was actually responsible
for my own actions. I’m a self aware individual, I choose how I response to a
given stimulus. And instead of responding the appropriate way, I choose to sink
into depression and attempted to escape from problems. Things never get done on
time because I was in a “no mood for anything” and I wasted half a year when I
could even do better academically in school.
Now, upon realised such a huge mistake that I had committed
in the past. I told myself not to repeat it again. Instead, I told myself I do
not have to depend on people to tell me how good I am. I know I am intelligent,
sassy, creative and resourceful. People’s comments for me are bonus if they are
good, but if they are critical, I will improve if there’s a need to. I don’t
wait by the computer or the phone for messages; I don’t waste my time waiting
where I can utilise these times to do some reading up or research. I start to
build up my own interest slowly, something which I had not developed properly
due to the fact that my time was devoted wholeheartedly to someone before. I
used to leave no time for myself to explore my own interests. After I had detached
my emotional dependency from someone and things, it’s like I had achieved
freedom I never see or feel before. I had been released from that emotional
burden and dependency for someone and things. What I had achieved now is inner
peace, ability to work, not alone/lonely but independent and best of all
motivation to do things again. Sometimes, amazingly, it’s just a simple change
of perception that can help to improve one’s quality of life. Often enough, we
are unwilling to make a change. We are slaves to our stubborn beliefs. If one
day, you are stuck in a very deep pit and thinking there’s no way out… try to
think again. Think out of the box, see things at a different angle and I do
hope you find a way out of it. Don’t say you’ll never change; you are just
reluctant to take a leap forward and view things at a different perspective.
Don’t say it’s easily said than to be done, just take a small step each time,
take a view of things in different angle, I’m sure you’ll find a better way.
It’s all about perceptions. ^.~
There is a story I can relate in the book of “The 7 habits
of highly effective people”. My father first introduced me to this book and I
only began to read it recently. Here’s the story, which I can relate to: (the
author is talking about proactivity here)
“Once in Sacramento
when I was speaking on the subject of proactivity, a woman in the audience
stood up in the middle of the presentation and started talking excitedly. It
was a large audience, and as a number of people turned to look at her, she
suddenly become aware of what she was doing, grew embarrassed and sat back
down. But she seemed to find it difficult to restrain herself and started
talking to the people around her. She seemed so happy.
I could hardly wait for a break to find out what had
happened. When it finally came, I immediately went to her and asked if she
would be willing to share her experience.
“You just can’t imagine what’s happened to me!” she
exclaimed.
“I’m a full-time nurse to the most miserable, ungrateful man
you can possibly imagine. Nothing I do is good enough for him. He never
expresses appreciation; he hardly even acknowledges me. He constantly harps at
me and finds fault with everything I do. This man has made my life miserable
and I often take my frustration out on my family. The other nurses feel the
same way. We almost pray for his demise.
“And for you to have the gall to stand up there and suggest
that noting can hurt me, that no one can hurt me without my consent, and that I
have chosen my own emotional life of being miserable – well, there was just no
way I could buy into that.
“But I kept thinking about it. I really went inside myself
and began to ask, ‘Do I have the power to choose my response?’
“When I finally realized that I do have the power, when I
swallowed that bitter pill and realized that I had chosen to be miserable, I
also realized that I could choose not to be miserable.
“At that moment I stood up. I felt as though I was being let
out of San Quentin. I wanted to yell to the whole world, ‘I am free! I am let
out of prison! No longer am I going to be controlled by the treatment of some
person.’”
It’s not what happens to us, but our response to what
happens to us that hurts us. Of course, things can hurt us physically or
economically and can cause sorrow. But our character, our basic identity, does
not have to be hurt at all. In fact, our most difficult experiences become the
crucibles that forge our character and develop the internal powers, the freedom
to handle difficult circumstances in the future and to inspire others to do so
as well.”
End of Quotation from pg 72-73 of “The 7 habits of highly
effective people” by Stephen R. Covey
I felt exactly the same way as the nurse the moment I
realized that I can choose how to response to things and to people. I can
choose not to be depressed and not to be bothered by people who just don’t seem
to care. It’s the moment of realization, which brought about my freedom now.
^_^ I do sincerely hope that some people can choose to free themselves from emotional
pain which they had inflicted upon themselves.
Quotes:
“The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the
same level of thinking we were at when we created them.” --- Albert Einstein.
“Two people can see the same thing, disagree, yet both be
right. It’s not logical;
It’s psychological.”
--- Instructor on the of picture old woman/young lady.
“No one can hurt you without your consent.” --- Eleanor
Roosevelt
“They do not take away our self respect if we do not give it
to them.” --- Gandhi
