Monday 24 February 2014

Epiphany! Interesting Read on Allen Carr's book

While I was desperately seeking help online one day, a kind man dropped me an email and asked me why not check out Allen Carr's book on Easy Way to Stop Gambling. It helped him quit.

I said to myself why not.

And then an epiphany came to me when I finished his book, or even when I was half way through the book.

This is what I have gathered from all information I have digested from various sources including reading Allen Carr's book.

Allen Carr said in his book on Easy way to quit smoking "Each cigarette does nothing more than make them feel how a non-smoker feels all the time". Perhaps gambling also does nothing more than make people feel how a non-gambler feels all the time.

Now with my understanding, gambling created a "feel-good memory" in my brain. Or sometimes I referred to as "dopamine memory".

When I feel low, for example when I feel depressed or feeling inadequate, there seems like a general anxiety that breeds inside me and I dreaded that feeling. My brain then remembered how to make myself feel good again. And exactly this feeling often leads me to enter a gambling venue such as a pub or bistro nearby and started putting money into the pokie machine. As soon as I sat down and play, my focus shifted, instead of feeling low, I began to focus on the machine, the reels the lines and the sounds, almost naturally the pokie machine take my mind somewhere else. And it never occurs to me that this is when I feel "normal" again. I maybe numbed and hypnotized in the moment, but I "FEEL normal", not sad, not low, but normal, like I am back to my "baseline" or even better, because of winning and hitting the features etc.

Of course when you loose all your money, you wanted to "feel good" again, and the cycle continues. This is also why people chase loses or even when winning or loosing enough, they would not leave. They felt compelled to stay until they have no money left to put in the machine. They want to feel good all the time and avoid feeling the nasties! Even you don't feel good emotionally, your brain chemicals speak differently, it tells your body you feel good from gambling because it registered it as a "happy-chemical memory".

My boyfriend used to think that because I was depressed and therefore I gambled. This was not true because I realized that I too gambled when I was feeling happy too. This greatly surprised me.

However, the same principle mentioned above was able to explain this. I was feeling high and therefore there was some nervous energies high above my "baseline" that I was subconsciously trying to "contain" or regulate. My brain of course remember gambling as one of the habit or event that my mind can stay running like a horizontal line on a graph



Instead of this:



Because the pokie machine are like so hypnotic with their sounds, the visual, the symbols, the features etc... It is no wonder we all feel different when we are gambling than when we are not. We may feel better, more "balanced", void of our life issues because at that moment we don't need to think about any problems and just concentrate on the lines and reels and the credits return. The ups and downs caused by life problems, debts, not having enough money were thrown out of the window when we gambled and were replaced by little peaks of the heart skipping a beat when you hit the jackpot or the free game feature.

SO NOW THAT YOU HAVE LEARNT why we "feel good" while we are gambling and your needing to "feel good and balanced". And gambling serves no purpose other than making you feel "normal" again, or even worst, put you in debt when you have no money for food and living and even buying what you want and need.

I hope you have an epiphany like I do and start finding other ways to balance your brain to feel good in other ways instead of gambling. It is not going to be easy, because the stimulus brought about by gambling is so huge, but you really have to make an effort. It takes time and never stop trying.

I also happen to change upon this document explaining the happy chemicals.
Happy Chemicals Explained

Till I write again, All the best.

First Step to Recovery is Acceptance... Not Suppression...

The first step to recovery is acceptance. This is what I have learnt.

Why? Because from experience, usually after a heavy lost, I vowed not to gamble again. And each day I was in abstinence there was always this fear breeding inside me, the fear that one day I would relapse again... and almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy, I did.

I learnt that each time I tried to suppress the thought of gambling, it will somehow make the urge to gamble stronger. It's almost like asking someone not to think of pink elephant and they inevitably will.

Noticing this, I stopped suppressing the thoughts of gambling and along the fears that I would relapse. Instead I allow my thoughts to come naturally to me knowing that they will eventually pass. I choose to face my fears. I accept as they come and choose not to react to them.

As a result, I notice a strong reduction in urge to gamble.

Therefore I never count the days I am gambling free, I spent my energies and time working on doing "mind gym" and building a stronger mind to prepare myself if one day I am vulnerable again, my mind will be strong enough to find a way out.

I know for some of you, calculating the days you're gambling free helps and encourages you, just keep doing whatever that helps you.

Bottom line is... recovery starts with acceptance, accept that you have a gambling problem, you're a compulsive gambler, having an addiction problem and face your fears, it's a good start.


My Experience After Attending The Gambling Treatment Clinic

After sunking to the rock bottom, I decided to reach out and seek help. I research online and found out in Sydney Australia, there is a Gambling Treatment Clinic held at University of Sydney.

I attended one session a week for a period of 4-6 weeks. (I can't remember how long, sorry.)

I concluded that the sessions were helpful.

They helped me identify how I held false belief about the pokie machines. Even though I knew the machines operated at random, I believed that some machines were "more favourable" than others because they "were better aligned" hence greater chance of getting a better return.

They also pointed out how much money I would have lost in total and helped me to trace back what happened in the past that trigger the gambling problem.

They informed me that the gambling problem is a  "learnt behaviour" and can therefore be "unlearnt"

They told me that pokie machine were set to return about 75-85% of the credits bet and how this is done. This was actually the first time I learnt about this rule. They shown me how even though machines operate randomly are set to return 75-85% of your credits bet, you will still end up loosing in the long run if you continue to bet and the house always have the "house edge".

One important message that come out of the sessions, "Winning is only temporary so, what's the point?"

The treatment sessions and counselling were helpful. Therefore I encourage you to reach out and seek help.

I can't say that the completely cure me and stop me from compulsive gambling, but I would say they do help to a certain extend in pointing out and straightening up some of my false beliefs. I did gamble a lot less often or rarely after. Every bit helps. I know I still have problems and I will touch on these problems some other time.


Updated: 14 July 2014

Found this article online: http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-the-brain-gets-addicted-to-gambling/

It confirms what I believe ;) That gambling problem is an addiction, though my therapist said that it wasn't and it was a "learnt behaviour". Pathological gambling was used to be classified as impulse control disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) and now moved to a more appropriate category: addiction.

Sunday 23 February 2014

If Rats Are Susceptible... So Can You! The Near-Miss Effect...

I am 34 years old female a phD student, a researcher and having problems with pokie machines. It just go to show anyone is susceptible, female or male, irregardless of your occupation, your financial status and intelligence...If even rats are susceptible, so can you!

Sometimes I read widely, and anything that interests me. 

In an attempt to understand my compulsive gambling behaviour, I came across a journal articles titled "A Selective Role for Dopamine D4 Receptors in Modulating Reward Expectancy in a Rodent Slot Machine Task." Wow, they had even designed a slot machine for the rats!

"Methods: In the 16-month study, a cohort of 32 laboratory rats responded to a series of three flashing lights before choosing between two levers. One combination of lights (all lights illuminated) signaled a win and seven combinations (zero, one or two lights) signaled a loss. A “cash-out” lever rewarded the rat with 10 sugar pellets on winning trials, but gave a 10-second “time out” penalty on losing trails. The “roll again” lever allowed the rats to begin a new trial without penalty, but provided no sugar pellets.

Interestingly, the rats showed a tendency towards choosing the cash-out lever when two lights (near-miss) illuminated, suggesting that rats, like people, are susceptible to the near-miss effect."

Which one of you, like me, are susceptible to this near miss effect? I hadn't given too much thought about the near-miss effect until I read this article. The sounds the coins of the "Five dragon" pokie machine makes when they landed on the reel and the lanterns on the Lucky 88? 

It makes sense now, I was always rooting for the "free game" features and get very very excited whenever two of the scatters landed on the reel to almost hit the feature. I could feel my heart beating fast or almost skipped a beat! 

And many times the reason why I won't leave even when I was winning or loosing is because "something tells me, a free game feature is near..." "I will stay until I hit the next free game feature!"

All the visual and audio ques the pokie machine makes, is ingrained in the brain, like a form of hypnosis. Hitting the feature or almost hitting the feature must have create something in my brain that makes me feel good and wanting more. I started to call this "dopamine memory" or the "feel good memory" after I read about the effects of what dopamine and serotonin do to you. I will write on this topic sometime later.

So, the next time you're stuck at the venue again and rooting for a "free game feature" and seeing 1 symbol away from hitting the feature, think twice again... 

It's not you, it's the nature of the design of these pokies machines, they create something in your brain to make you crave more and more of those "feel good feelings"

And when you're loosing, you want these "feel good feelings" even more and ended up chasing loses and the cycle continues...

Some people are lucky to walk away, some not so lucky and have susceptible mind like mine, must learn a way to re-program our mind to cope with situations like this, learning other techniques to make ourselves feel good when we needed instead of hitting the machines straight away. 

Till next time I write again. All the best.

Gambling: Anyone is susceptible... About Me

I am 34 years old female a phD student, a researcher and having problems with pokie machines. It just go to show anyone is susceptible, female or male, irregardless of your occupation, your financial status and intelligence...

I had been playing pokie machine since 2002, where casino is so readily accessible in Australia. At first it was just me and my ex-boyfriend going there for a nice evening meal. They had $10 dinner deals where they give you a dinner meal and a $5 pokie machines voucher, so dinner only end up costing $5. Pretty cheap and easy for us student at that time.

We went in and have fun. It started $20 harmless fun. If we win close to $50, that night was amazing. Harmless fun huh?

Fast forward a few years later, I broke up with my then ex-boyfriend, sunk into depression and lonely. Where did I go? I went to casino in the city, where I could hide myself at a corner and just aimlessly, mindlessly pressing buttons away. It doesn't even matter if I win or lose money. I just wanted it to take all the "bad feelings" away from me. The jackpot link sometimes excited me.

I don't know when, but sometime in 2004, other life crisis happen (relationship was not going well and so was my studies) and along came a lot of life uncertainties. I started increasing my bets and numbing my sorrows in casino. I did not knew I had problem at that time except I was living paycheck to paycheck. If I ran out of money, I knew money will come in next month...

I started with 1 credit, 25-30 cents per spin to $8.40 per spin now. Lower credit bet lines does not satisfy me anymore, not the way they increase and multiply in credits paid as oppose to when I bet maximum each spins. So my advice is stop while you can before becoming like me increasing your bets each time.

Sometimes on a bad binge, I end up loosing all money I could access to in my bank which is $2,500 from my credit cards.

I had been to therapies and read books about how to tackle gambling problems.

Specifically, I had attended gambling treatment clinic at University of Sydney, hypnotherapy to help me cope with my problem gambling in an attempt to quit, read a few books on how to prevent relapse etc. Because I am a student, though I am not a pyschology student, I have access to journal articles and reading and researching topics related to compulsive gambling, OCD and impulsivity helps me understand more about the disorder.

I had been wanting to blog for a long while now and had a list of items I wanted to write on... so stay tune and check out often. :)

I can be reached at silvialining @ gmail dot com

First Post

Today mark the first day I am blogging about my recovery from addictions to pokies machine.

I had lost $3000 yesterday in a very bad binge on pokies machine yesterday. Yesterday is also the day where I finally have positive surplus $400 in my bank after it took me 4 months to repay the $2500 debt I withdrew from my credit card. Only today to start over again...

I really wish there is a way I could hijack my brain to make it better, overcome the intrusive thoughts to push me towards going back to the gambling venues and stopping myself from withdrawing frantically in huge amounts after severe loss. I know I can get better and stop gambling for myself, my family and my love ones.

I will not stop trying until I succeed.