Recovery from Gambling Addiction: Lesson learnt from Silvia's experience #5 Perception

The next part of the blog I will be focusing on is some thoughts that I have that might help in better recovery from addiction, at least they helped me.

It is especially useful if it is not your personal desire to gamble, but rather it is a result of variety of thoughts that is formed in your brain, that leads you to gamble.

I will start using the computer system as an analogy to our body-brain system. I will begin to frequently ask “What is your inner program?And what have you installed? Can it be uninstalled? If you can’t uninstall it, can you overwrite it?” etc.

But before that, I will reveal one of the most powerful insight that I have learnt 10 years ago which I really wished I had learnt way earlier than that.

12 Jan 2005 Wed

Topic: Perception

I’ve been reading some books. Well, I have great interest in books particularly those on self-help/improvement and psychology. I believe that one should never cease to learn throughout life and learning to improve oneself will definitely have a good impact on one’s life and most importantly, to bring a better life. Human have this ability call the self-awareness which distinct us from the rest of the animal kingdom. We have the ability to receive stimulus and therefore generate a response to it. 

Whatever response we choose is purely dependent on what we think and how we choose to react to certain things. In other words, how we react to certain things basically depend on what is our perception at that time.

For example, one may choose to die or to commit suicide to escape from a difficult problem. One may brood about the lost of one’s love or job or anything. What happens here is that, people who are stuck in these problems often have their perception lock in place. They can’t seem to look at problems in another point of view. They believed that by leaving someone, by dying, by committing suicide, they can escape from problems and they won’t have to face it anymore. But they don’t realise that by doing so, they are not solving anything, they may even create more problems for their family or friends. Well, it’s true that sometimes we can be so involved in one thing that we had overlook the fact that sometimes we need to take a step back and look at the problem in another perspective. A change in one’s perception is called a paradigm shift.

I had a friend who had just currently lost his job. Instead of preparing my compassion for him, I was later amazed to discover that he was actually happy that he had lost the job! His boss wasn’t treating him well and he is actually looking forward to finding his new job. Wow, imagine a pessimistic guy who sulk at the very moment when he lost his job, sunk into deep depression at the lost of income…etc .Try to picture which one would you rather be? From this, I realised that we should think that “we can’t afford the “luxury” of negative thoughts”, we simply don’t have much time for it. Why waste your time on the negative thoughts when you can invest your time better elsewhere in preparing positive thoughts and planning a better way out? (of course don’t overdo it until you get over-optimistic =X)

Recently, I also had lost an honours project application simply because I did not meet their minimum requirement. I applied to the Biochemisty department and was hoping to get the project on alcoholism and brain damage. The experts were looking at the genetics of how chronic drinking can impaired your brain. It’s about genetics, biochemistry and also dealing with human and I was like “wow” molecular stuffs I like it! But then later, I got rejected from the school as I just don’t have enough subjects from the third year study to cover their minimum requirement and my grades weren’t really that great. I called my mum, and she is very supportive and encouraged me. I did not give up and went on to find other potential supervisors. What I realised in the end is that; I actually found a better honours year project for myself. Something, which I had overlooked while looking for my honours project. I started to look elsewhere and try my luck at the School of Biomedical Sciences. I was actually graduated from Bachelor of Science in the field of Biomedical Sciences. I really wonder what I was doing in Biochemistry. Lolz. So I concluded the lost of one project doesn’t mean the end of the road, it may simply open your eyes to a new and better project which I really did overlook. :P Oh yes? The project? Oh, it’s even better than I thought; we will be dealing with genetics of asthma. We will try to find out why are some people more susceptible to asthma than others. It’s medical research and if I get accepted, I’m on my way to fulfilling my dream. ^_^ I want to be a medical researcher and this project will definitely be my big stepping-stone.

It is really amazing how changes in one’s perception can impact one’s life. I was stuck in the past at certain things. I was very stubborn and emotionally dependent on people and things. One day my friend mentioned to me about emotional dependency. I did not realise until then that I had extremely bad emotional habits that had impaired me for quite sometime (like about a year). I sunk into depression, lost the interest of doing things, dependent on people’s reaction, awaiting recognition from people; maybe I even had bipolar 2 (my friend who studied psychology suggested that. But don’t be afraid of bipolar people, in fact many Hollywood celebrities are bipolar and some quite productive and effective people are bipolar too. I think bipolar means there’s the manic and depression phase. Well… just some passing comments.). My life is it’s all about other people; I simply care too much for them till I had lost myself. I had lost my identity, my self worth, and my interests. I give priorities to other people more than myself. As an emotional profile, I’m very extremely dependent on other people. I get jealous easily, I think too much and I read into details too much. I felt that I’m responsible of other people’s emotions. However, never did I realise that I actually had a very bad case in emotional dependency. We should not be emotional dependent on other people. We should be emotional responsible for ourselves but not dependent on other people to tell us what’s our worth, and feel responsible to their emotions. If you feel you are responsible for their emotions, then chances are you are reading too much into other’s people behaviour. Awareness is good but not too much. After been through some research and studies, I realised that I had been impaired by my own emotional habits. I used to blame others for my behaviour, for the reason why I sunk into depression and such. But never did I realise that I was actually responsible for my own actions. I’m a self aware individual, I choose how I response to a given stimulus. And instead of responding the appropriate way, I choose to sink into depression and attempted to escape from problems. Things never get done on time because I was in a “no mood for anything” and I wasted half a year when I could even do better academically in school.

Now, upon realised such a huge mistake that I had committed in the past. I told myself not to repeat it again. Instead, I told myself I do not have to depend on people to tell me how good I am. I know I am intelligent, sassy, creative and resourceful. People’s comments for me are bonus if they are good, but if they are critical, I will improve if there’s a need to. I don’t wait by the computer or the phone for messages; I don’t waste my time waiting where I can utilise these times to do some reading up or research. I start to build up my own interest slowly, something which I had not developed properly due to the fact that my time was devoted wholeheartedly to someone before. I used to leave no time for myself to explore my own interests. After I had detached my emotional dependency from someone and things, it’s like I had achieved freedom I never see or feel before. I had been released from that emotional burden and dependency for someone and things. What I had achieved now is inner peace, ability to work, not alone/lonely but independent and best of all motivation to do things again. Sometimes, amazingly, it’s just a simple change of perception that can help to improve one’s quality of life. Often enough, we are unwilling to make a change. We are slaves to our stubborn beliefs. If one day, you are stuck in a very deep pit and thinking there’s no way out… try to think again. Think out of the box, see things at a different angle and I do hope you find a way out of it. Don’t say you’ll never change; you are just reluctant to take a leap forward and view things at a different perspective. Don’t say it’s easily said than to be done, just take a small step each time, take a view of things in different angle, I’m sure you’ll find a better way.

It’s all about perceptions. ^.~

There is a story I can relate in the book of “The 7 habits of highly effective people”. My father first introduced me to this book and I only began to read it recently. Here’s the story, which I can relate to: (the author is talking about proactivity here)

“Once in Sacramento when I was speaking on the subject of proactivity, a woman in the audience stood up in the middle of the presentation and started talking excitedly. It was a large audience, and as a number of people turned to look at her, she suddenly become aware of what she was doing, grew embarrassed and sat back down. But she seemed to find it difficult to restrain herself and started talking to the people around her. She seemed so happy.

I could hardly wait for a break to find out what had happened. When it finally came, I immediately went to her and asked if she would be willing to share her experience.

“You just can’t imagine what’s happened to me!” she exclaimed.

“I’m a full-time nurse to the most miserable, ungrateful man you can possibly imagine. Nothing I do is good enough for him. He never expresses appreciation; he hardly even acknowledges me. He constantly harps at me and finds fault with everything I do. This man has made my life miserable and I often take my frustration out on my family. The other nurses feel the same way. We almost pray for his demise.

“And for you to have the gall to stand up there and suggest that noting can hurt me, that no one can hurt me without my consent, and that I have chosen my own emotional life of being miserable – well, there was just no way I could buy into that.

“But I kept thinking about it. I really went inside myself and began to ask, ‘Do I have the power to choose my response?’

“When I finally realized that I do have the power, when I swallowed that bitter pill and realized that I had chosen to be miserable, I also realized that I could choose not to be miserable.

“At that moment I stood up. I felt as though I was being let out of San Quentin. I wanted to yell to the whole world, ‘I am free! I am let out of prison! No longer am I going to be controlled by the treatment of some person.’”

It’s not what happens to us, but our response to what happens to us that hurts us. Of course, things can hurt us physically or economically and can cause sorrow. But our character, our basic identity, does not have to be hurt at all. In fact, our most difficult experiences become the crucibles that forge our character and develop the internal powers, the freedom to handle difficult circumstances in the future and to inspire others to do so as well.”

End of Quotation from pg 72-73 of “The 7 habits of highly effective people” by Stephen R. Covey

I felt exactly the same way as the nurse the moment I realized that I can choose how to response to things and to people. I can choose not to be depressed and not to be bothered by people who just don’t seem to care. It’s the moment of realization, which brought about my freedom now. ^_^ I do sincerely hope that some people can choose to free themselves from emotional pain which they had inflicted upon themselves.

Quotes:

“The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.” --- Albert Einstein.

“Two people can see the same thing, disagree, yet both be right. It’s not logical;

 It’s psychological.” --- Instructor on the of picture old woman/young lady.

“No one can hurt you without your consent.” --- Eleanor Roosevelt

“They do not take away our self respect if we do not give it to them.” --- Gandhi

Recovery from Gambling Addiction: Lesson learnt from Silvia's experience #4 Be Cruel to Yourself

Be cruel to yourself! Yes? No? Manage to get your attention? :P

Be cruel to yourself means: to do something you don’t always do, which is to overcome that resistance to change. And when you overcome the resistance to change, change takes place and you will speed up your recovery process.

Because staying in gambling is easy, because escaping is easy, but to face the problems, you feel like it will take so much effort to get better right? It is true, because it takes you out of what you normally do, what you normally react, it takes you out of your comfort zone and sometimes you might feel vulnerable when you are facing these issues.

Actually, lesson #4 is about: now is the time to start taking care of yourself. And you have every reasons to be, so you can be in a position to win this fight against gambling and better recovery.

Especially if any one of your triggers is emotional, such as stress, anxiety, depression, boredom, seeking thrill etc.

I know gambling is an easy way out for many of us but… I want out, hence I am going to do things differently than letting myself go.

In an attempt to recover from gambling addiction, I looked through journal papers to see if I can change something to better myself and aid in recovery.

And it’s true enough, after I follow these steps, I have functioned better and having less emotional triggers that leads to gambling.

#4.1 Sleep well

First of all, please do have enough sleep about 7-8 hours of sleep a night and make sure you’re sleeping at night and not in the day.

The lack of sleep can lead to more cognitive/mental malfunction. Research had shown when you sleep, the cerebrospinal fluid flushes the metabolic waste out of your brain so your brain can function better after refresh. This is when the body can heal itself, through sleep.

Studies had also shown that the lack of sleep can lead to cognitive malfunction such as poorer judgement, poorer memory recall, and more impulsivity. People who are night owls or nocturnal are also more prone to mood disorders and mental illness. I used to be nocturnal and after reading papers on this, I changed my sleeping patterns, I will also highlight the importance of vitamin D, sleep and melatonin later at #4.3.

To get better, is to sleep better. It’s better for your brain anyway.

#4.2 Eat Well

Many mood disorders are brought about by the lack of nutrition and nutrients the body needs.

One of the trending topics in research world is about gut bacteria and you have millions and billions of it. Think of your gut microflora as something like a forest. Depending on what you eat, you populate more of some species than others. But not all species of gut bacteria are good for you. Studies had shown that people who eat irresponsibly and have more junk food in their diet (oily, fried food, nutrients-poor food) are related to having some form of mood disorders such as depression and anxiety. Studies had also shown people with depression had a gut bacteria population different to healthy normal control. These findings showed us that what you eat can affect your body and how your brain function and think.

Fibres, oh my goodness! Did you know to populate the good bacteria in your gut, you actually have to feed them good fibres from vegetables and fruits? I am convinced now after reading various papers, now constantly looking for ways to add veges and fruits to my diet.

Make sure you eat a well balance diet: good amount of carbohydrate and protein and low fat but not no fat, some amount of good fat is good for you. I remembered one time I traced back my sudden onset of depression due to me following the fad diet of high protein and low carb diet, it actually “crashed” my brain. I later learnt carbohydrates and proteins help your body to produce serotonin and dopamine in your system, they are your happy chemicals.

Eat at regular times, because your body wants to know when and where to consistently produce your happy chemicals and not wreck your reward system in your brain (which is often disturbed by prolong gambling).

Some studies had also shown that supplementing diet with omega-3 oil from fish or krill can have beneficial effects on the brain and help with depression and anxiety, this has to do with the ingredients in the fish oil (EPA, DHA).

Zinc deficiency had also implicated in mood disorder, nuts are good source of zinc.

Obesity can also lead to more mood disorders, so losing some weight will help.

The bottom line is eat well, eat right and you will feel better. Feeling better means better control, which leads to quitting gambling successfully, and sooner to recovery.

#4.3 Exercise Well + Sun

Sun exposure and exercise can be as simple as…

Oh please don’t frown at this, I know some of you will… You can start with 15 minutes of brisk walking that raises your heart beat. Do make sure you are in good physical condition to exercise otherwise please consult your doctor.

15-30 minutes of brisk walking (meaning walking with intensity or walking quickly). If you live around areas that have uphill slopes or roads with incline, you will benefit tremendously from this, it adds intensity. Walking casually is not exercise enough, to exercise sufficiently, you need to raise your heart beat with moderate intensity exercise, you can do so by brisk walking. Did I also mention I actually lost 3 kg by just brisk walking 35x2 minutes  a day to and fro my university. Simple exercise can bring about huge benefits.

In addition, exercise is a healthy source of happy chemicals (I cover what happy chemicals is from other lessons). In the journals papers I read, exercise helps with metabolism and can raise happy chemicals within your body, even those chemicals normally you lack of when you are depressed or emotionally unbalanced. I won’t go into tiny weeny details such as how exercise changes your circulating miRNA, proteins (which are stuffs my nerdy brain are interested in), just take my words that it will help you better your mood.

Vitamin D deficiency is often associated with mood disorders such as depression, panic attack and anxiety. To help raise your vitamin D, just go for a walk and expose to the sun for 15-20 minutes a day. You can also get vitamin D from some food such as milk or take supplement, but please take them in the day or you won’t be able to sleep at night.

Your body makes vitamin D after exposure to sun in the day and at night they inversely make melatonin which helps you sleep. See how going outdoor for a bit and having good sleep are important for your body system now?

#4.4 Think Well: Mind Gym / Mood Gym

Below are some online help suggestions for strengthening your mind. Some of us don’t grow up with the set of skills or being taught how to regulate our emotions and thinking. It can be our very own self-limiting belief that is bringing our mood down. Example: Oh my goodness this is SO stressful, I really have to go somewhere to relax and... end up where pokies machines are…”.

Instead of reacting to stressful/boring/anxious/depressing environment the same way as you always do, you can learn to re-route your train of thoughts by re-directing your brain how to think better. If driving the same path always ends up in traffic jam or accident, why don’t you try taking a different route then? You just need a GPS (some help for how to begin), and the you can find yourself with a new thinking pattern. Sometimes not new thinking pattern, you may just become so aware of your thoughts that now you will have more control on what to think and feel next.  If you find yourself needing more help, please find professionals to help you or email me with specific questions or areas.

https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/dbt_lessons.html

Mindfullness meditation

#4.5 Quit well: Take note of other addictive behaviour (your other source of unhealthy form of happy chemicals)

Usually people with addictions have other co-existing addictive behaviour too. Do you notice that you may also smoke cigarettes or excessive drinking or addicted to food (sugar, caffeine, fat, etc) or video gaming, compulsive web-surfing or even physical interaction. Take note of these behaviours as you quit gambling, whether one becomes more or less obvious. If you slowly tune each of them down, you will have higher chance of quiting gambling successfully, instead of turning one addiction to the other.

I have sugar-addiction too but now it’s more tuned down :P

#4.6 Relax and Socialise. Re-connect with people.

Socialise – your other source of happy chemicals, re-balance your brain.

I know you may ask: how can you socialise and be happy when there is such a huge debt behind you? The truth is, if you continue to gamble, you will pile on more debt. Stop now, start anew and learn to re-balance your brain again with healthy good sources of happy chemicals. Of course please choose to be with the ones that make you happy and positive, not the ones who always complain about every single thing on earth that brings your mood down.

Because when you are comfortable, relax and have a great company, your brain naturally gives you a healthy boost of happy feel-good chemicals, which you don’t need the pokies or gambling to give you. It also allows your brain to re-calibrate your feel-good self.

I know some of you may be recluse like I used to and may encounter social anxiety while you do this. I think it is natural, after all you haven’t been meeting people for so long and suddenly you feel great connecting with your friends, neighbours or best mates, the surge in happy chemicals in your brain may leave you feeling empty and vague after you leave the group or company. Do it a few more times and you will get used to it.

I remembered I felt so good chatting with my mates again in-person, only to feel that huge drop after I finished meeting with them. Do I go back gambling after that? No, I simply just visualize and tell myself I will get used to this happy feeling again, each time I will feel more and more happy and after when I leave the meeting/catch ups, I notice the drop is getting less and less.

One of the factors that contribute to Happy People being happy is that they always have feel good connections with someone, friends or family, etc

One recent article also suggested that if you connect with others or environment in a positive, you are also likely to give up addictive behaviour. For more information see here: The Likely Cause of Addiction Has Been Discovered, and It Is Not What You Think

#4.7 De-stress and do something you like! Re-connect with your life and interests.

This is also to re-build your normal healthy happy chemicals pool. Pick something you like to do and go do it. Pick up that hobby again. In James May's toy story show, they made volunteers to help build huge Lego structures and some of them said it was therapeutic. Listening to your favourite songs can be also enjoyable.

Pick up meditation can help calm your mind and bring your stress level down.

#4.8 Overwriting triggers

Your Gambling-Free 100 days

If you are always counting gambling free days, example “this is the second day I haven’t gambled”. I always think that it may not be a good idea to always remind yourself of something negative, kinda reinforcing gambling as negative and sometimes the underlying fear may creep in the background and cause the relapse.

Instead, I proposed counting days of “instead of gambling I do this… and it makes me happy day” (or you can use the word calm, peaceful, life more exciting etc)

E.g. Day 1, Instead of gambling, I choose to go out with my friends, we laughed a lot and it makes me happy.

Day 2, Instead, I choose to play a computer game, never have so much fun until now, and it makes me happy

Day 3, Instead, I go to the Gym and work out, I feel healthier, and it makes me happy

Day 4, Instead of being bored, I choose to go to a live concert, listen to music, and it makes me happy

Few techniques applied here, 1) you don’t remind yourself again and again gambling has a negative influence on you; you don’t need to remind yourself you are quiting gambling, eventually you will successfully quit it. 2) Re-direct your brain to doing something you enjoy, so your brain knows there is alternative way of being happy, calm, peaceful and not bored. 3) Planned and looking forward to an event generates happy chemicals, helps you to cultivate that balance back. 4) Overwriting past triggers, e.g. it used to be when you’ve got nothing to do, you go to gamble. Now you can do this: Day 6, Instead of having nothing to do, I choose to plan a trip to my favourite café to drink coffee or weekend trip getaway, and it makes me happy.

Been planning to complete writing for so long. Sorry for the delay.

Please let me know if any of these information is helpful. Keep your emails coming, I enjoy reading them :)

For now, take care and good luck.

Till next time,

With many blessings,

Silvia

Thank you readers for your kind emails

Thank you to all who wrote to me and letting me know my blog has helped you to better yourself and move forward in your recovery. I can't express my gratitude enough for all of your appreciation. Please do keep the emails coming and your progress in your recovery.

My readers have found "Recovery from Gambling Addiction: Lesson learnt from Silvia's experience #1:" to be extremely useful. Others have found other infomartion are helpful as well.

I look forward to hearing from you again.

Have a great day!

Cheers,
Silvia

Recovery from Gambling Addiction: Lesson learnt from Silvia's experience #3 Understanding addiction is a misdirected motivation

Understanding addiction is a misdirected motivation

I came to believe that addiction is a misdirected motivation.

Why would someone not take care of high priority tasks but choose to gamble instead? High priority tasks such as take care of your children, find a job, go to work, buy some groceries for the week and spend time with your love ones etc. Instead, gambling like playing the pokies machines always seems to be something the brain craves the most? Why? It has to be the brain has misdirected motivation!

I long hypothesized that some people who are addicted to something usually have co-existing mental conditions, such as depression, anxiety or bipolar etc. They have conditions that make them more vulnerable to the vicious cycle of pathological gambling than other people who have more control.

Recently, I came across an article from the Black Dog Institute, they do research in depression and bipolar. This article reported on a recent finding and provided (at least to me) a profound insight to an addictive brain. 

Quote “A number of psychiatric disorders, including substance dependence, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, psychopathy, pathological gambling and bipolar disorder, are characterised by impulsive and risky decision-making.

People with these disorders often find it difficult to control behaviours that offer immediate reward but poor long-term outcomes.”

What they find is: with the bipolar subjects, they are more motivated towards immediate rewards that pay really well but have poor long term consequences than lesser paid reward but works out in the long run.

This is also shown by their brain scan images. Imagine there’s a part of your brain (ventral striatum) becomes activated when you get excited and considered about an immediate reward and if getting this reward is risky then it activates another part of the brain (dorsal striatum) responsible for weighing the consequences of getting it now or not or choose one that is a safer bet. It turns out in bipolar subjects their ventral striatum area responsible for immediate rewards lights up more when betting in a risky task which may give lucrative return compared to healthy control. In contrast, the healthy control lights up different part of their brain - the dorsal striatum as they weigh in the long term consequences and choose the safer bet. This suggests that the decision making is impaired in the bipolar subjects and skew them towards anything that yield immediate reward regardless of consequences. There is also a high percentage of bipolar people having addictions problem. Other studies have shown other addicts such as alcoholics also have higher ventral striatum activity than dorsal activity.

Imagine bipolar people and people with addictions share similar neural circuit deficit. This means we (the pathological gamblers/addicts) are more motivated towards anything that gives immediate reward or pleasure. This means our motivation can be misdirected as we do not consider, or our brain does not process, long term goals properly. This is why anything that gives us short term immediate reward excites us!

This is why when I used to gamble on pokies machines and was chasing losses, I couldn’t stop withdrawing money from the ATM until all my savings had been drawn out. Because my brain is like “I want it now, I want to win, win back the losses now!” and ignore the long term consequences that I would lose all those money. Because once I gamble, it is like the water tap, once I turn it on, it gets loose and all the water starts gushing out and I have difficulty turning it off. Simply because immediate reward come first and the brain, while enjoying this reward/rush, has difficulty processing consequences.   

This is why I feel abstinence from gambling is important because the brain loves immediate reward, has clouded judgement about limits and likely to ignore long term consequences. The more I gamble, the more I lose and the more I couldn't stop. Whereas I am now in abstinence from gambling, although the cravings during the initial phases of quitting gambling was very high, it eventually went away and reduced. The "tap" remained closed.

This is also why I feel so much more motivated in going to sample a great café next day (because I love coffee) than working at uni on a project that I think isn’t going to work. Coffee = immediate reward; negative view on a project = feels like a non-rewarding long term goal.

This is also why even when I am in abstinence from gambling, my brain still loves a game of chance. Recently, McDonalds have this monopoly promotion where you can win instant or collect to win prizes. I recalled that I do get some “feel good rush” even when anticipating and collecting the stickers and winning instant prizes. My brain is susceptible to immediate rewards and pleasure. But this profound insight has great implications. It means that perhaps we can modify long term goals that are unappealing and break them into smaller attractive goals that give you immediate reward and redirecting that motivation. For example work sucks (unattractive long term goal) which might make one escape back to gambling pokies (immediate reward), we can reframe work and make it seems attractive. Remember it is all about perception, you can change your perception and you can change how you view a task. I will elaborate on how changing your perception and thinking can change how your body function next time.

This is also why even when some people quit gambling on pokies machine, they buy lottery tickets or scratches, they smoke, they binge eat, they compulsively shop online, drink alcohol excessively etc. They are all “rewards” that can be immediately executed and perhaps, satisfied.

Understanding your addictive brain maybe neural-anatomically different than other people and how your motivation is being misdirected is important. I am not sure if we are born like this or once you started gambling, it induces changes in the brain that makes it become like this. I hope this sheds a few light on your situation too and help you in your recovery.

Recovery from Gambling Addiction: Lesson learnt from Silvia's experience #2: Understanding anticipation and its relations to "feel good" signal

Understanding anticipation and its relations to "feel good" signal (a.k.a dopamine)

From previous posts, I mentioned somehow I kind of subconsciously overwrite my cravings to gamble and intrusive gambling thoughts with cravings for sugar or good food.

For example, once I learn about a cafe that serves great coffee with rave reviews, I started to anticipate that I would go and visit the cafe the following day. I get a little"high" or a tiny uplift with slight raising in intensity.

After reflecting on this "high", I came to realise it was very similar to the feeling I get:


i) when  I decided I have the money and wanted to gamble, took the money and heading off to the venue, I could feel this feeling inside me raising in intensity while I was on my way to the venue.

ii) when I was chasing losses and went out of the venue to withdraw money and couldn't wait to get back to the pokies machine, same thing I could feel the eagerness and anticipation of how much I could win or hopefully I break even.

iii) On a spur moment decided to head into a gambling venue (e.g. pub), walking towards a pokie machine, I could feel this raising intensity too.

So do you, someone who have a gambling disorder, feel this too?

Of course, by being a scientist, my inquisitive brain naturally decided to hit the google and the scientific journals for an answer or a correlation of some sort. My hypothesis was: this anticipation to gamble or to do favourable activity may also raises dopamine levels in the brain, same way of how near-misses on the pokie machine might have make your dopamine spikes too. Or anticipating a good dopamine rush once you arrive at the venue to start gambling. Recalling dopamine is a feel good chemical, anticipating doing something you eagerly want or like, makes you feel good and better, explaining the raising intensity.

And yes, I was somewhat on the right track. in this article Anatomically distinct dopamine release during anticipation and experience of peak emotion to music , confirms that during anticipation, you do get a good dopamine release.

I also found these two articles: Could Dopamine be the Most Evil Chemical in the World? and this: Are we addicted to anticipation not reward?. Quote "It’s the uncertainty of the reward that drives behaviour and for humans that reward anticipation can last on the short timescale of slot machines at Las Vegas to the decades long anticipation of heaven’s unearthly estate for many."

Quote "If you are addicted, then apparently you are not addicted to the substances and activities you crave, nor to the nicotine of cigarette smoke" " You are, in fact, addicted to the dopamine and its effects."

The article suggests that the brain anticipate the dopamine reward, and is "addicted" to its effects, this could also explains why sometime  we loose control over gambling, why we subconsciously open that "floodgate" to chase losses, how we go from someone who think twice of buying a $6 loaf of sourdough bread to one who brainlessly put in thousands of dollars into the pokie machine and wouldn't stop. It wasn't about winning or loosing, it was about that dopamine effect the brain is after.

The article also stated the reason why it was hard to quit. Quote "if all these things we crave simply plug into our dopamine reward system, then why is it so difficult for a chocoholic to stop eating chocolate and take up jogging instead? Surely, they will both trigger the desired dopamine release? Well, the whole issue of anticipating and receiving the reward is tied in at a subconscious level as we learn to associate a particular stimulus, eating chocolate say, with the reward. It is possible to get the same buzz from jogging as others do from chocolate. But, switching between the two and getting the same anticipation and buzz is difficult."

Indeed, to overwrite this program of compulsive gambling, it requires you to overwrite with an activity that will tuck it deep into your subconscious. If you are conscious to change, that's not enough because your body will resist it when you do it deliberately, think when you were force to exercise, you naturally associate unhappy feeling with it, therefore in order for successful "reprogramming", you need to get it into the deep root of subconscious.

Some of you might notice, when you're not gambling, you turned to smoking or you have a smoking problem. I believe "addiction can transfer/transform from one form to another", like the brain knew which activity will enable a good amount of feel good chemicals released, and if the first activity is not accessible (e.g. gambling), they will scan and look for the next one (e.g. smoking).

You can learn to overwrite "bad programming" (e.g. pathological gambling) in your brain. It could be as easy as getting into an activity you naturally like, or any activities you can anticipate and loving it subconsciously. Go start doing something you once love or pick up something new, start day by day anticipating how you will do it, when you will do it, what you need to get to do it, and intensify that feeling of happiness and greatness once you complete it. It takes time for the brain to be re-conditioned so be patience. If you like music. then learn to enjoy music more, anticipate the climax of the song, sing a long, loving what you enjoy should be effortless.

Look, I once lost my motivation "program" in my brain for work and this reduces the feel good chemicals in my brain (motivations is related to dopamine reward system), I replaced it with quick feel good dopamine rushes from pokies machines. This quick rush is not a good thing as the brain gets too pampered and decided it wanted more and more each time for me to feel happy. I gambled more and more with increasing bet credits, $5 max bet "made" me feel better than 25 cents bet. I completely wrecked my happiness and reward system in my brain and every other activities just didn't seem to make me feel as good.

Until I learn to feel good again doing something I used to like, strangely it was the love for food and cafe hopping. My cravings for gambling drops and was surprisingly replaced with sugar and caffeine cravings lol. Sugar addiction is a real thing. But I have better control for sugar addiction than gambling with lots of money.

Why do I have better control for sugar addiction? I train in gym, I make an effort to eat healthily, I watch my figure, I work in health research field and understand adverse effects of obesity and all these thinking I "program" into my brain and my subconsciously gets it. Therefore I have better discipline for sugar than gambling.

Next I would like to ask you fellow readers, "What is in your inner programming"? What have you program subconsciously in the brain? Was it "if I don't have enough money, I can go "invest" and win the at the pokies machine" or "all i could think of is gambling because it "normalised" me, I felt peaceful there, no worries, no anxiety, but happy" or "I will never be able to quit gambling" or "if I feel bad, or need a hideaway, gambling is the perfect way of escape".

It is wise to be aware of your negative inner programs, then you will learn how to overwrite them with positive ones. This is what I believe, the true cure of addictions lie in fixing the broken inner core, including those "bad programming" you did to yourself consciously or subconsciously, or those subconsciously picked up by your brain because it was biased to "feel good" signals or "feel bad" signal. Otherwise, addictive behaviour may never be resolved and could transform from one form to the other.

I know I can write a very long blog. I hope it is readable. Please pardon me as my english is so-so, if any readers would like to re-write my articles to make them more readable, please kindly drop me an email.

I hope you learn something or have an epiphany moment.

Till next day,

Stay well and start getting awesome,

Silvia

Recovery from Gambling Addiction: Lesson learnt from Silvia's experience #1: Your cravings might be a subconscious sign that your brain is telling you it need something to be done.

Your cravings might be a subconscious sign that your brain is telling you it need something to be done.

After reading Alan Carr's book on Easy Way to Stop Gambling, I believe, gambling created a "feel-good memory" in my brain. Or sometimes I referred to as "dopamine memory".

And every time when your brain is feeling low or not feeling calm (e.g. feeling anxious, panic attack, bored, overly high and happy, emotion fluctuations etc) , subconsciously this intent of wanting to feel good/normal again pops up. And what does your brain do? Your brain will do a scan and then subconsciously remind you that gambling will help to make you feel good again. How does the brain do it? For my case, it pop up an image of pokies machine and prompted me to go and "invest" again...

And after prolong period of not gambling (a few months), and every time I wanted to feel good again, unintentionally, I started eating a lot sugary food or favourite snacks or hunting for that specialty coffee (I love coffee!). One day I began to realise that, whenever I procrastinate or didn't want to do a certain task at work, I find myself craving my favourite snacks or have a strong desire to look for a good place to have a good cup of coffee.  My brain no longer tells me to gamble.... it signals to me of another thing that will make me "feel good" again. So somehow, my brain overwrites the previously "feel good" signal (from gambling) with another (eating favourite things). Warning: I do not promote emotional eating ;)

This overwriting doesn't happen overnight, it happen over a long time of "re-conditioning". The issue is, the "feel good" signal derived from compulsive gambling is so enormous that it is often hard to overwrite. Think of it as a happy chemical in your brain, gambling generate a lot of it with high intensity that is usually hard to match up, especially the way the pokies machines are designed (the sounds, the routine, the payout, the increasing number of credits you see on the screen... everything is ingrained in your brain). I especially remembered once I was going to gym and feeling great after workout, only to realise the "feel good" wasn't in the same magnitude from the ones generated from gambling. Look, my brain made the comparisons! What pokies machines and gambling do to my brain is evil!

So, how did I manage to overwrite the urge to gamble, or the subconscious signal that used to pop up whenever?

First: Abstinence. Stay away from gambling. We have to desensitize the "feel good" signals that gambling brings.

I would say anything to do with gambling. It is never about the $20 ("let's just gamble $20 only" sounds familiar?) because I did that and I ended up loosing all my savings from chasing loses and racked up credit card bills after one trip back to pokies machine. Also refrain from doing anything to do with game of chance and anticipation such as lottery purchasing. It is like you packed away gambling in the Pandora box and only to opened a bit of it to again, and it is never about opening a slit to peep, you end up opening the whole box all over again. What I mean is, after a prolong abstinence from gambling, I thought it was ok to buy lottery again. As I analysed it, you kind of can "control" how much you loose and the rate of loosing seemed slower (gambling away $1000 at pokies machine in 1 hour versus buying $20 worth of lottery tickets). But no, once I started buying lottery, I ended up going to one of the pubs VIP lounge and gamble ALL my money away. It is as if I told my brain from my actions that it is ok to gamble again and then my brain let loose. That's why I said, to desensitize, best is to stay away.

Two: Never suppress your urges, let it come and go.

As time goes by, the urge or craving will become lesser and lesser. I used to walked past VIP lounges at the pubs with my brain signalling me to go in to gamble. EVERYONE of them EVERY SINGLE TIME. It is as if my brain has a regional memory,  it is like saying "hey that's a place to feel good again, let's go in". My brain did it so naturally, and the problem with Australia is, except Perth, almost every pubs and bistro have pokies machine, walking down a street full VIP lounges, it is almost difficult to say no! One weak thought and you might just give in. But not anymore after you read this, it will bring you more awareness. Notice what triggers your cravings, is it you not having enough money and wanted money the quick way? (I did) Or just walking past VIP lounges is enough to trigger the thought of gambling.

What happens when you suppress your urges? It only gets worst and crave more. Think when you were a kid, if you love sweets and someone tells you, you can't have it, won't you want it even more? I started realising this when I tried not to think about gambling and every time I think about it I also attached a fear to it, I was worried I will never have savings because every time I am in the "positive" in the bank, meaning I have savings, I fear that I will loose it all by giving in to pokies machine. I also fear that I will never be gambling free and problem gambling will haunt me the rest of my life. The more I fear, the more I gamble. It appears to me every time I remind myself with fear, my brain will think of gambling. This is as if my brain is in a "not feeling well" position and then telling me "hey, the last time you gamble, you felt good, why not go back there and bring yourself up again". My brain remembers the closest, most effective way to "feel good" activity.

Upon realising that, I stop worrying and fearing, whether about my debts or I will gamble again, I just stop fearing, simple as that. There is no point beating yourself what had happened, it is better to focus from here onwards, what can be done to move forward. This is also a re-direction of your brain, and to refocus your brain on better subjects.

Three: Find a new feel good signal.

Everybody is different, for me is eating my favourite food and café hopping. I will say this is the most difficult part, because the "feel good" signal generated by gambling, especially from pokies machine, is so great that it may feel almost impossible to overwrite. It is like me, after gambling at $5 per maximum lines per spin on the pokies machine, and to go back to just gambling 30 cents per spin, I don't feel the same anymore. The "high" is different gambling at $5 per spin and at 30cents per spin, the rate at which the credits multiply is drastically different too, visually.

But surely and slowly you can re-train your brain to like something better, something that makes you feel so good that eventually over-write the poor gambling habit. Start with something you like, redirect your brain that something else can make you feel good too. Be patient. Expect failures, it could be hard to overwrite, BUT IT CAN BE overwrite. If you do enough, and many times over and over again, and when you start desensitise your brain from not gambling, your brain will start reminding you how to get the new "feel good" emotions. Nowadays, when I walked past VIP lounges, my brain no longer remind me automatically to go in to gamble. In fact I often did not realise I have just walked past a VIP lounge, it is different from last time where every time I walked past one, my brain never ceased to remind me of pokies machines inside the venue.

I also have to warn, be careful to what you overwrite your gambling addiction with, it is usually with another forms of "addiction" or "happy chemical/dopamine generating activities" (could be exercise, smoking, eating, sugar etc), just make sure it is healthy! Yes, I know sugar is now my favourite cravings, it is better than loosing money through gambling, plus because I am also quite healthy conscious, my brain does moderate my intake so all is well ;)

You can do it! You can feel good again without gambling! You have to start feeling good without it!

To overcome gambling addiction, there are more layers to it, I will uncover the other layers and road to gambling free life in my upcoming posts.

Stay well~

Till next time,
Love Silvia

P.S. found this article online: http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-the-brain-gets-addicted-to-gambling/

It confirms what I believe ;)

Recent update

Hi all,

I am sorry I have yet to update my blog due to busy schedule. I will try and post more in the near future. Good news is I haven't been gambling for a long time. I don't count the days I am out without gambling because I am focusing my mind on other greater things in life rather than being constantly reminding myself on the topics of gambling.

I will update on how and where to get help, some techniques which are backed up by science to help cope with gambling problems, and how to retrain your brain and overwrite that craving and beat pokies and other games. :)

stay tune.

with love,
Silvia

Another article on near-miss effect :)

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2014/02/140228-gambling-brain-win-slot-machines/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=Social&utm_content=link_fb20140301news-gamble&utm_campaign=Content

Epiphany! Interesting Read on Allen Carr's book

While I was desperately seeking help online one day, a kind man dropped me an email and asked me why not check out Allen Carr's book on Easy Way to Stop Gambling. It helped him quit.

I said to myself why not.

And then an epiphany came to me when I finished his book, or even when I was half way through the book.

This is what I have gathered from all information I have digested from various sources including reading Allen Carr's book.

Allen Carr said in his book on Easy way to quit smoking "Each cigarette does nothing more than make them feel how a non-smoker feels all the time". Perhaps gambling also does nothing more than make people feel how a non-gambler feels all the time.

Now with my understanding, gambling created a "feel-good memory" in my brain. Or sometimes I referred to as "dopamine memory".

When I feel low, for example when I feel depressed or feeling inadequate, there seems like a general anxiety that breeds inside me and I dreaded that feeling. My brain then remembered how to make myself feel good again. And exactly this feeling often leads me to enter a gambling venue such as a pub or bistro nearby and started putting money into the pokie machine. As soon as I sat down and play, my focus shifted, instead of feeling low, I began to focus on the machine, the reels the lines and the sounds, almost naturally the pokie machine take my mind somewhere else. And it never occurs to me that this is when I feel "normal" again. I maybe numbed and hypnotized in the moment, but I "FEEL normal", not sad, not low, but normal, like I am back to my "baseline" or even better, because of winning and hitting the features etc.

Of course when you loose all your money, you wanted to "feel good" again, and the cycle continues. This is also why people chase loses or even when winning or loosing enough, they would not leave. They felt compelled to stay until they have no money left to put in the machine. They want to feel good all the time and avoid feeling the nasties! Even you don't feel good emotionally, your brain chemicals speak differently, it tells your body you feel good from gambling because it registered it as a "happy-chemical memory".

My boyfriend used to think that because I was depressed and therefore I gambled. This was not true because I realized that I too gambled when I was feeling happy too. This greatly surprised me.

However, the same principle mentioned above was able to explain this. I was feeling high and therefore there was some nervous energies high above my "baseline" that I was subconsciously trying to "contain" or regulate. My brain of course remember gambling as one of the habit or event that my mind can stay running like a horizontal line on a graph

Instead of this:

Because the pokie machine are like so hypnotic with their sounds, the visual, the symbols, the features etc... It is no wonder we all feel different when we are gambling than when we are not. We may feel better, more "balanced", void of our life issues because at that moment we don't need to think about any problems and just concentrate on the lines and reels and the credits return. The ups and downs caused by life problems, debts, not having enough money were thrown out of the window when we gambled and were replaced by little peaks of the heart skipping a beat when you hit the jackpot or the free game feature.

SO NOW THAT YOU HAVE LEARNT why we "feel good" while we are gambling and your needing to "feel good and balanced". And gambling serves no purpose other than making you feel "normal" again, or even worst, put you in debt when you have no money for food and living and even buying what you want and need.

I hope you have an epiphany like I do and start finding other ways to balance your brain to feel good in other ways instead of gambling. It is not going to be easy, because the stimulus brought about by gambling is so huge, but you really have to make an effort. It takes time and never stop trying.

I also happen to change upon this document explaining the happy chemicals.
Happy Chemicals Explained

Till I write again, All the best.

First Step to Recovery is Acceptance... Not Suppression...

The first step to recovery is acceptance. This is what I have learnt.

Why? Because from experience, usually after a heavy lost, I vowed not to gamble again. And each day I was in abstinence there was always this fear breeding inside me, the fear that one day I would relapse again... and almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy, I did.

I learnt that each time I tried to suppress the thought of gambling, it will somehow make the urge to gamble stronger. It's almost like asking someone not to think of pink elephant and they inevitably will.

Noticing this, I stopped suppressing the thoughts of gambling and along the fears that I would relapse. Instead I allow my thoughts to come naturally to me knowing that they will eventually pass. I choose to face my fears. I accept as they come and choose not to react to them.

As a result, I notice a strong reduction in urge to gamble.

Therefore I never count the days I am gambling free, I spent my energies and time working on doing "mind gym" and building a stronger mind to prepare myself if one day I am vulnerable again, my mind will be strong enough to find a way out.

I know for some of you, calculating the days you're gambling free helps and encourages you, just keep doing whatever that helps you.

Bottom line is... recovery starts with acceptance, accept that you have a gambling problem, you're a compulsive gambler, having an addiction problem and face your fears, it's a good start.